My Heart Goes Out...

My heart goes out to a friend of mine who applied to a Diocese to begin studies for the priesthood and was denied. He was denied because he does not receive much family support. It just makes me sad because he is such a good person, with a big heart. It just hurts me knowing that he is upset, but I will always be there to support him no matter which road he takes.

I have not been to the gym I go to work out at in so long because I have now started going to Le Moyne to play basketball. It has been killer on my body, but it is great exercise. I would rather be doing this then working out by myself. My skills are coming back and I felt like I did some pretty awesome moves yesterday, it felt good.

I am excited that I will be going home tomorrow for the week. Even though it is only a week, to me it feels like a long time. I am looking forward to it.

What a day...

We couldn't have asked for a better day. It was so beautiful outside today and that makes a couple of days without snow. The day was spent with the Brothers in Skaneateles for an Advent Day of Recollection. We gathered for prayer at the beginning and the end, and the middle was made for our own private reflections.

One thing I reflected on is how super thankful for the huge support system that I have and those people know who they are.

Did somebody say snow...

Well the weekend was great because it got a bit warmer and I was able to see grass, but now it is just ridiculous outside again. I had to go outside twice today to take care of the snow. Lucky that we have a nice snow blower, however, the neighbors don't like me. Let me just say his fence is in the way of where the snow is blowing. I hate to tell him, but the wind has the tendency to carry the snow if he likes it or not.

However, the weekend ended up being pretty good. Sunday I was able to go watch some of the kids in Religious Education at St. Daniel's sing at Mass. I was so happy that 3 of my 6 kids were there in attendance, it makes me proud. I am hoping to get them all there at one point, it would be nice to see my entire class at Mass. Then in the afternoon I went to Shopping Town Mall here in Syracuse and sang at there Festival of Trees, not to many people were present, but it was still fun to do. I saw Amanda, the choir director, today and she says one day she wants me to cantor with her, so this should be interesting. After singing at the Mall, I headed over to the Jesuit Novitiate for their Lessons and Carols, which was really nice. I also enjoyed just talking with the novices. They were all really nice and I am kind of sad that this is the only time I had to visit with them. However, I did go play basketball yesterday with two of the guys and I am feeling it today. I am so sore, but I might go and do it again tomorrow, since I won't have much time to actually visit and play with them. We shall see.

The Provincial of New York is here right now for his visitation and Br. Joe Holthaus is with them, so it is always fun when they are around!

Gosh...

I didn't realize that it has been almost an entire week since my last blog. Probably because I have been completely wiped out from the huge amounts of snow we have amassed up here in Syracuse, 48 inches in a week to be exact. That is about waist deep on me. Guess what we are expecting more snow this coming week as well. I am just ready for winter to be over and it hasn't even begun. Other than that I had some good moments of the week and bad moments. Good moments, finally get a plow guy, a new snow blower, Feast of the Immaculate Conception, really awesome Healing Mass here in Syracuse. I just hope this week will be better than this last one. I just hope I can perk myself back up!

In other news, choir is singing tomorrow at one of the Mall's I am super excited about that!

Music...

What can I say I just love music! Especially since Glee has come out with old and modern songs, my taste in music has increased tremendously. I am not only talking about listening to music, but also singing. I just love being in a choir especially during a season like this where we are singing a lot more together. The choir at St. Daniel's has become like a little Syracuse family to me and that really came out today when we were singing at the Lessons and Carols of one of the other parishes here in Syracuse. One the ladies in the choir has been asking us to praying that her mortgage goes through on a new house for her and her son, well today we got word that it went through. The entire choir was ecstatic, we were just all so happy for her and of course the future house warming party she is going to have, well that we are just going to show up and party at. High fives were going around like crazy and to top it off we did another beautiful round of singing. I really like our choir director especially after we finish singing and the faces she makes that really let us know how we did. We sang at Mass yesterday and she said that she was almost brought to tears. Gosh music is so powerful and what a ministry it has really been to be apart of the choir and the music ministry. I am so excited about next weekend because the choir will be singing at one of the malls here in Syracuse. It should be a great time and I am so excited! Last time I sang in a mall was in the Philippines.

Other than that everything else has been going well. My brother called me out of no where the other day and we talked for like an hour, that just doesn't happen. I was happy that he called me, my family really doesn't call me very much.

Today has also been a winter day in hell. It has snowed all day and whats worse is that it is suppose to be snowing again the next couple of days. What I hate about it is constantly having to go shovel and this is where the hell part comes in. Snow shoveling is like pushing a rock up a hill and then it falling back down. I am going to be getting up really early tomorrow morning to get some of it done since we don't have a plow man yet to come do it for us. Hopefully we get someone fast to do it for us because I hate shoveling especially some of the Brothers expect me to stop what I am doing to do it. I actually told one Brother no this evening to shoveling because I didn't want to do it since it was already dark outside. God bless me this winter and I pray that it goes by fast since this is my last one here in Syracuse.

O Come, O Come Emmanuel...

So this past weekend started a new year in the Roman Catholic Church calendar. What a great time to be a Catholic! I guess I take the season of Advent for granted. It is a time of anticipation, of expectation, and a chance to study the scriptures that speak of what takes place at the end of Advent. Today I also began to teach my students about Advent. Most people know that this is Advent, but they don't really know what it is all about. I am trying to give my students a better understanding of it. I also told them that there are certain hymns we sing during this great season and I even demonstrated some of them by singing the hymn that is sung most often "O Come, O Come Emmanuel." After I stopped, one of the students in the class had this look on this face then he was like that is the most beautiful thing in the world and I started laughing, he started laughing and the entire class started laughing. The student was laughing so hard, he was in tears. I guess in some way I am starting to feel more comfortable around my students to be both serious and joking around with them. I just hope that in the end it gets them to focus more on what I am trying to teach them.

Other than that my weekend was slow. I didn't do too much. I tried to go to the lake on Sunday but it was just way to cold and it was windy and those two combinations don't go hand in hand. My sister in law was taken back to ICU, but she has now been released back into a regular room. I just hope she gets better soon.

I do want to take this opportunity to thank all those who support me with there thoughts and prayers. It makes me feel like I have people out there that genuinely care about me and what I am doing. To those people, thank you so much and I love you all!

I am learning that a huge pet peeve of mine is texting someone and not getting a message back in return. It drives me up a wall.

Thanksgiving

So yesterday was sort of a busy day that I didn't have time to get on here and blog. However, it was a really great day. It started off like any day should by going to Mass. It was a nice Mass and for not being a Sunday Mass or a Holy Day of Obligation, there was a lot of people there in my opinion. After that we started getting things ready for our visitors coming. I got all of my things cooked and prepared the day before, so I really didn't have to worry about much, but I did feel lazy while the others were preparing. Unfortunately only 2 of the people Br. Patrick invited were able to make it, so in total there was only 5 of us there eating and 3 of the 5 were vegetarian. After they left I went to a new friend of mines house named Christin Sommers. How do I know her? Well I only met her at the beginning of this month at the St. Daniel Harvest Festival. Her dad is the deacon at the parish, so I knew who she was, but she didn't know me. However, she graciously extended an invite to me for Thanksgiving. I was really nervous going over there because her family was there. Not to mention the fact that her dad is a deacon and her younger brother is a priest for the Diocese, so I felt like I had to make a good impression. Well to my amazement, I felt like I was at home. They would joke like I would joke, so I ended up laughing more. No words can express how truly thankful I am to them and there family for making such an awesome Thanksgiving Day for me. Hopefully I will be able to hang out with them again in the future.
Today was a fun day as well. I slept in this morning because I was really tired. I got together with some of the FrancisCorp Volunteers from last year for a trip to Skaneateles, New York for the Charles Dickens Christmas. They run this program every year right after Thanksgiving up to Christmas, but only on the weekends. Over 50 people dress up like characters from Charles Dickens Christmas Carol. They will actually come up to you and introduce themselves to you as there character. We all gathered around a gazebo to sing Christmas carols, which was really nice. Plus what made it nice was the fact that it was beginning to snow.




This evening the Franciscan Friars were sponsoring a fund raiser for their food pantry, which was a sing a long to the Sound of Music. It was a lot of fun and I got to meet some more of the new friars who are taking up residence at Assumption. One of who happens to be a Filipino and who is in fact trying to organize a Filipino Mass for January 2nd. I am definitely going to be at that Mass. He is also trying to build a Filipino community here in Syracuse and I am so glad because the Philippines was a great experience for me. I like making new friends!

Isolation...

I seem to be in a happy and cheerful mood and it is not coming from the fact that it is Thanksgiving tomorrow. Something has just been in the air and I am just a lot more positive right now. I really like it and I hope it stays this way for sometime.

Well yesterday started off rainy, but turned into a beautiful day. It was also one of those days that the temperature was all over the place. I walked to teacher my religious education class yesterday and I thought about taking my jacket off cause it was warm, but then when I was walking home it was colder. Last night it even snowed! Besides the weather, on my way back to my house yesterday I received a phone call that my sister in law had a heart attack. I want everyone to realize that she is only 30 years old, so I was shocked when I heard that. My first thought was "Oh God please let her be okay." I say this because she is the mother of my niece and nephew and my nephew was born two weeks ago. It was kind of scary. Then I heard it wasn't a heart attack, but my siblings are still posting on facebook that it was. She had a blood clot and from what I know they were able to dislodge it with blood thinners, but are trying to figure out why her blood is clotting. That's all I know and this is why I feel so isolated. Being the fact that I live all the way in New York and my family is all in Louisiana it is hard to know what's going on all the time. Now I don't expect them to call me every hour to let me know what is going on, however, when something like what my sister in law is going through happens, I hope to stay informed through phone calls and not facebook since I am family. I sort of feel like this is me ranting, but I need to get it off my chest. My dad called and I answered, but something happened and it got disconnected, he didn't even try calling me back. Grant it I could call him, but he called me. I feel isolated most times by my family. At times I want to tell them "hello I am here." I have learned not to have high expectations with them because I end up getting hurt. I should of figured that they weren't really going to keep me informed like they said they would. I guess they forget that I have feelings too. I would be really upset if something bad did happen and they forget about me completely.

Let's move back to some positive things shall we!

Went with my friend Dan to see Harry Potter last night. This one is not the most exciting one they have made, but it is leading up to the final movie, which will probably be awesome! I haven't read the book for this movie, but I do know what all happens. I have to attribute my positive spirit to my friend Dan. He is helping me bring enough balance to my life in the sense that he always wants to pray so I need to have my breviary with me. I provide him with some wisdom since I am older then he is. Things that I was doing before we start hanging out I have stopped and the stress and frustation I was feeling is all gone. Plus he is a trust worthy friend that I can talk too about anything. He knows some of my deep thoughts and secrets and that is because I trust him.

I also received word from my provincial yesterday that I can start working on an application to Loyola University down in New Orleans to start a master's program in the Fall of 2011. So I know where I will be living after the novitiate, but let's just finish the novitiate first. Makes me kind of excited about going back to school. Grant it I won't be looking forward to working on papers and this time around papers will be longer. Just seeing the courses I could possibly take makes me very excited. Already got part of the application done, now I just have to get to the paper work parts to it.

Today was just a day around the house. I prepared my part of the Thanksgiving meal, I am doing the sweet potatoes and my grandmother's Rocky Mountain. I somehow ended up cutting my finger, but it isn't bad. Also made a Rocky Mountain to take with me to a friends families house tomorrow where I also have been invited. Should be fun.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Prophetic...

There is just so much going on in my head right now. Things in the moment and things I need to worry about for the future.

One of the things I am trying to really bring to prayer is how I can I be prophetic as a religious. Really what would it take to be prophetic? It makes me examine how I really do things in my daily life like should I be praying more, reading more, or just spending time in the Chapel. The times where I have felt affirmed in things that I have done, I look back at and realize that at those moments I had been prophetic in what I had done. So many times we might not realize that fact that we are being prophetic until much later. It makes me want to challenge the system of things to really have other people reflect on how they are being prophetic and what can they do to be prophetic? Yes the Brothers work primarily in education, but how can we make that a source of being modern day prophets. This is coming to me because this past weekend was a formation weekend and the speaker really talked about the prophets in the Old Testmanet. For some reason I then had this urge of just trying to write a short little paper on how being prophetic means to me, someone, a young person, trying to live out religious life. For me it really is trying to live a life that challenges me and having me step out of my normal comforts, which I don't have a problem doing, but other religious do have a problem with that. So it really has been on my mind since this weekend. What a great thing to think about and to continue to think about. Hopefully by living my life as an example or trying to be an example to others is in some ways being prophetic.

Now I am really starting to think about next fall and school. I have looked at Loyola New Orleans information on a master's program on Religious Education and it really made me excited. I really do miss being in school and having my mind going at many cycles a second. Seeing the courses I could possibly take really made me happy, plus it wouldn't take me long to finish. Plus I was able to meet with one of my Philosophy professors at Le Moyne today which was really nice and we just talked about school stuff. I told her that I missed it. It was just nice visiting with her and I had a blast.

I am also realizing that I am a great listener. It seems like people see me as someone they can trust and to talk too. I am glad that they feel comfortable doing that because I find it is a way I can minister.

Also I had this crazy dream last night, but I won't go on about it, however, I did meet the Queen of England in the clothes I was sleeping in. It was crazy!

Guns and Politics...

Well like usual it took me a few days to write something on my blog. I have realized if I blog everyday then this blog would become very boring and I feel that I am getting more people reading it, so I have to keep it fresh. All in all since the last blog I have been doing pretty well.

Now you might be wondering why my title is what it is. Well I want to approach the title as two separate entities.

I teach Religious Education every Tuesday at the parish down the street from where I live called St. Daniel's. I only have 6 kids in my class, 2 girls and 4 boys. They are usually very wild when they come to me since they typically come to me after they have lunch and recess at the school they attend. Now yesterday was different. The first student that walked into my class said that another student in the class got in trouble at school, but he was waiting for everyone else to get in to tell me. Now I was like what did he do, is he okay, all these questions were popping up in my head. Once everyone got into the classroom, I shut the door and they told me. For the sake of keeping his name private I will call him "The Boy". Well "The Boy" got a 5 day suspension from school because he brought a weapon to school and not just a pocket knife, but a gun. Now when they told me he had a gun, my eyes got really big because my first instinct was like oh my gosh he brought a gun to school. They then said that he had brought a pellet gun to school. In some sense I did find that more relieving because it was a pellet gun and not just a gun that a cop might carry. However, it is still a gun and it is still a weapon. I ended up telling the director the situation, just to give him a heads up. So a lot of my worry now has been thinking about how "The Boy" is doing. I did stress to my religion class how dangerous it is for something like that to be brought to school and the consequences of such actions. I wanted them to know that there lives could have been at risk, who knows. Something like that is dangerous and not smart. I just hope "The Boy" learns from this. I feel like this is where I can really step in to be a male figure for him because he does come from a split family. So my prayers do go out to him at this time. It is just a scary thing and you never know.

Today I went to the gym twice, but the second time I went because I had to blow off some steam because I was frustrated. I absolutely hate talking politics, I really do! I have no time to talk about it, I don't want to hear anything, things are already screwed up with it. However, I also believe that everything happens for a reason, so if people think President Bush was a horrible president so be it, I just don't want to hear it, what's done is done. People are mad at Bush because of the war and everything, I just wonder what the world would be like if Bush just sat back after 9/11 and did absolutely nothing. We would then have bashing at Bush for not doing anything. There is never a win win situation. Give the man a break. I don't like Obama, I don't go around saying that to people, however, I am saying that here. I don't like it when religion and politics cross paths especially when it is in community because it can be a real bummer. That's where my frustration comes from, the bashing. The bashing can really separate people! Probably why our country can't get anything done because we can't work together.

Looking forward to the weekend, I have my formation program this weekend and it is usually fun!

Singing

I think this weekend turned out to be a very great weekend. Br. Dan and I went to the International Food Festival down at St. John's, which had some really great food, then I ended up at the volunteers house for some pizza. It was a great time visiting with them, which included all sorts of different topics, from beers to music, to working out, and even practice for the GRE. I think I should keep in mind the fact that I am going to have to take the GRE soon for when I go back to school to get my masters. Saturday was also my grandmother's birthday. My grandmother is in her mid 80's and is still going. I am so thankful that her and my grandfather are still alive and praying for me and my vocation. However, I am kind of jealous that she had some really great seafood for her birthday that ended up being all free like lobster and crabs and crabs claws. Makes me miss the south really bad.

I am in the choir at St. Daniel's and we sang this morning at there 10 a.m Mass. I enjoyed it so much today, I was super happy singing today. We did a lot of great songs that really show the dynamics of all out voices and even though they were tough, it turned out really beautiful. It makes me happy that Amanda, our choir director, gives us a huge smile after we finished. It was great. One of the ladies in the choir also made me some fudge, which is almost gone. It is so good and she made it for me because I told her that I loved it. I also went and sang at Le Moyne tonight, but singing there I find is a lot harder. I am more afraid of screwing up at Le Moyne, then I am at St. Daniel's. I think it is because when we rehearse we don't do it in parts like we do at St. Daniel's. At St. Daniel's Amanda works with each of the 4 parts so we know our parts and get them down. I just like to sing and it just brings me so much joy especially seeing the smiles on everyone's faces after we finish!

Going up...

Well I feel as if things are picking back up for me. Hopefully the funk I was in will be the last funk for a while. I just hope that things will stay positive for me in the next few months. One of those positive moments for is the birth of my nephew, Ethan Daniel. One of the hardest things for me is not being able to be there to see him and to hold him. However, when I head home, I will be hogging that baby and trying to spend some time with my niece as well. I love them both so much, even if they don't know me right now. Well my nephew certainly wouldn't know me right now. Just that brings so much joy to my life.

This week seems to be going by pretty fast. It started out kind of rough especially in formation. I sometimes have the tendency to vent and Br. Dan is the one that ends up taking the punches from me when I do vent. God bless him! We also started talking about the vow of chastity, something I have looked forward to talking about. We also talked about sins. What I got out of the class was the fact that I shouldn't beat myself up if I sin, I mean I am human and I have weaknesses. I guess I just put so much pressure on myself to avoid sinning in any circumstance, but then I end up screwing up in the first place. It is mentioned in Paul's letter to the Romans that I know what I need to do and I don't do it and the things I shouldn't do I do it. The struggle with formation, the fact that every little thought is magnified in novitiate because I am not in active ministry. I will survive!

I am hoping to have a great weekend!

Why?

Why is something that is going on in my head currently. Why do certain things happen? Why is the unknown scary? Why do young people have to die? This last question is really ringing true right now. I found out today that a guy that graduated high school two years after I did from the same high school died today after being struck by a car. Jordan Gautreau was a well-liked guy and a really good basketball player in high school. His dad was also the varsity basketball coach at French Settlement High School. Not only was Jordan a great student and player, he was a faithful Christian. He went to Church at Healing Place Church and worked there. He went out this morning to put a sign up by the road when a car side swiped another car and hit him. Let me just say he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. To hear that a young man who has touched lives and had the potential to touch many more has passed is truly sad. I can't imagine what his family must be going though. All I can do and all anyone can do is to pray at this moment for him and for the family. I just wish I could be there.

Just to think I have been feeling down about myself and then this happens. Things have been really difficult for me lately. It is one of those things where I feel like I need to be in control of my own life. I want what I want and not what I think God wants me to have. I also don't want to be by myself right now. Friday night I got a little bored around here and just felt alone. I needed to do something, so I went up to Le Moyne to visit with some friends, which ended up being really fun. Then again should I be having fun during the novitiate? Where should I make a balance. I feel at times I am going stir crazy and just want to be free to go out and enjoy myself. The novitiate is just really tough for me right now.

However, Saturday I was busy most of the day. I first went to the Harvest Festival at St. Daniel's to pick up my friend Sonali because we were going to Syracuse University to get an autograph from Apolo Anton Ohno. I really wanted to get it more for my sister because she absolutely loves him. Well I was able to get it and was kind of star struck. By the way the guy has great hair and I am not afraid to tell a guy that he has great hair. Then I went back to the Harvest Festival to help out with what I could. I don't know to many people there, so it was fun to visit with those that I did know.

Today was just a slow day, I worked in the car picking up leaves, which I hated, but it had to get done. I then went to the lake to relax. Came home to read some formation work and then fell asleep then worked on it again. Finally, ended up at Mass at Le Moyne. I just hope things pick back up for me.

Zero Regrets

So I am reading a book written by Apolo Anton Ohno entitled "Zero Regrets: Be Greater Than Yesterday." It isn't a biography of his but it is more of a personal philosophy based off his experiences in the world of speed skating and just in life. I am really enjoying reading the book. I started it yesterday and will finish it by tomorrow. Why would I read a book by a guy who is the most decorated American in U.S. Winter Olympics. Well it just so happens that he will be making a visit to Syracuse on Saturday for a book signing. My first thought was "man my little sister is going to be jealous of me." You have to understand when Apolo was in the 2002 Olympics my little sister was absolutely in love with the guy. Every article he was in she got and cut out. So she pretty much told me that I had to go see him. So I decided to get the book for her as a gift so I can have him autograph it especially for her. I felt that I needed to read the book first, so I could have a better understanding of the guy. I am now a big fan. However, his workout regiments are crazy, I could never and probably will never be in the shape that this guy is in. He is only going to be signing the book for an hour, so I hope I can get there and the line is short. A lot is going on this weekend here on Saturday. The Syracuse football game on Saturday during that time as well as an Equestrian competition and horse show. Hopefully I won't look stupid standing out there.

Other than that, things have been kind of slow, which is good. Right now I am trying to face those things that really lead me down a path to temptation and to act out. It is one of the hardest things I face right now in the novitiate. Not being able to really go and do much, leaving me room for my mind to wander and sometimes it wanders in places I do want it to go. That's when things go downhill. I must stay positive.

Last night, I went with my friend Dan to a Healing Mass in Syracuse. My first one here and I sort of thought it would be like a Charismatic Mass. It wasn't full Charismatic, but it had elements. Dan is going through a lot right now, he is discerning the priesthood and is not getting the kind of support he would like from his immediate family. Sounds a lot like the position I was in. Dan and I have a lot in common. I feel like I can be a support for him. We have both agreed that we are each others best friends because he can talk to me and I can talk to him. It is just nice to have somebody to listen. What I got from the Mass is the sense that I need to stop worrying about myself and start thinking of the others. I am here to serve others and God, not myself. That gives me strenth!

So long...

Didn't realize how long it had been since I had last blogged. I have been busy with trying to organize the bowling trip for the next formation program in November. Speaking of November, I can't believe it is already November. It has also been two months since I got back from the Philippines. Time surely does fly by and how I miss so many of my friends back in the Philippines.

This weekend was Halloween, which I am learning is one of my favorites. Br. Dan went with me to see Paranormal Activity 2, which was okay, but I thought the first one was a lot spookier. I also got permission to go visit with some friends at there party. It was a great time. The evening didn't go as expected, but it still turned out alright, something we can look back at and laugh. My friend Dan, who is applying for the Diocese of Syracuse, went with me. Let's just say it was his first time getting drunk, hehe, enough said. I made sure he was okay though. He didn't remember anything the next day, but I reminded him of the Shenanigans. I also realize that I don't need to drink to have a good time.

For Halloween, I passed out candy, but gosh was it freezing here in Syracuse. Let me just say that yesterday we had clear weather, cloudy weather, then rain, sleet, hail, and snow all in one day. Pretty soon it is going to start snowing. So I was brave staying out in the cold weather. I did have some visitors over that knew me, which made it a lot better.

Today had a lot of interesting moments. So when I left the house to attend my spiritual direction, I didn't see this guy on his bike on the side walk because of some hedges well all I heard was like an "ohh oh" then once he got past the car he let out "Watch where you are going asshole." I thought that was interesting, but I legit didn't see him coming. Brian went back to Philly to take care of his mom, so now I have the whole upstairs without anybody else here. I ran into a friar at the gas station, confused him with another order, but then realized that they are starting a new order and he is only one of four. I like them only in the sense that they have Sacred Heart in there name.

The most powerful thing for me this morning though was the feeling that the Blessed Mother was surrounding me and looking out for me. Just reading the signs around me.

Come on...

So I haven't posted since Friday.

The weekend was a great weekend. I was able to see all my friends in the formation program which is always fun. However, there were just way to many distractions this weekend. First of all the college campus was having a fall festival across the street from where we were at, so all you could hear was music. It really didn't help that the speaker we had, I felt, was speaking to us all like we were college students and she was the professor. This was my fifth one to go to and the first one where the speaker put information on our tables on how to buy some of her things. We have had other speakers that are authors of books, but never tried to sale there material. She wasn't the most personal person in the world, so that didn't help. It was still great to see everyone. We are in the process of planning a bowling trip for the next program in November, which will be a ton of fun.

Other than that, it has been slow around the house here. I just feel like all the obstacles are coming at me and I don't know how to handle them and I give into them way to easy. I wonder if anybody has ever seriously prayed for the devil, what I mean is the devil and who he is. If he really is an angry person, maybe he needs some prayers and a nice hug, in the hopes that he would leave me alone since I am very vulnerable right now. I must stay positive and beat him through the help of God and the angels that are with me.

I teach 5th graders religion once a week and really don't know if what I am doing is really reaching out to these kids. Well today I got the affirmation I was looking for. I wanted my kids to go home and pray the rosary with there family every night. We all know how hard that could be for 5th graders and especially with parents who might not care so much about there faith. This one girl in my class actually asked her parents to pray the rosary with her and they did and the mom was so impressed that she called the director of religion education to commend me on that. I was in complete shock and my heart was filled with joy because even if I have an influence on just one child, then I am doing my job. So when she was picked up today her mom had made me some apple crisp, which was really good. My goal is to reach all the kids.

Maspeth, New York

This blog is coming to you from Maspeth, New York. You might be wondering where Maspeth is, well Maspeth is in Queens, which is a suburb of New York City. I can go out on the roof and see Manhattan. I am staying the night with the Brothers in Maspeth because tomorrow morning Br. Dan, Brian, and I will head to Morristown, New Jersey, which is only an hour away for our formation program. I am so excited for this weekend you have no idea. It is something about being with other people in formation that really recharges a person and that is how I feel alive, refreshed, and super charged. The people in the program are all super great. It should be a fun weekend and I will blog about it once the weekend is over.

Now, nothing really exciting happened to me this week. I had my good moments and bad moments this week. I really felt I struggled during prayer this week as well, I guess I just had way to many distractions. Hopefully next week will be a better week. I am trying to live out this life the best that I can and it is not going to be an easy task, but hopefully my prayer regardless of how it is will keep me strong.

Now that I think about it, something great did happen. I was able to skype with Br. Chris down in Brazil and got to chat with some of our Postulants over there. Grant there english wasn't the best, but we all tried. It was really great and makes you realize how connected you are to people even though you can't speak the language.

Something else that has been on my mind. I go to the gym almost everyday and try to get some exercise everyday, but those darn mirrors at the gym I think are there to make a person look bigger than what they actually are. I hate to looking at them, when I look at them I see this huge guy and then I get so self-conscious about my weight. So my goal should be not to look at the mirrors, but it is kind of hard when they are on the walls in the gym. Oh Lord please give me the strength.

Slow

For the most part the past few days have been kind of slow. However, on Friday I was able to take Br. Inosessio, who is from our province in Oceania around Syracuse. We first made a pit stop at Dinosaur BBQ for lunch. That place is one of the big places to eat at here in Syracuse. Unfortunately Friday was a very cold and rainy day here in Syracuse, so I could really show him much. We did walk around Lake Onondaga, but it wasn't long because we were getting wet. I wanted to get back to the house at a decent time to welcome Brian our new candidate into the house. He is a really nice guy and I am glad that he has joined us. I know he still has a lot to deal with back in Philadelphia, but he now has a community to help him out.

Saturday I really didn't do too much besides going to the gym with Brian and spending my time in prayer. What was nice about my prayer especially for the 19th Annotated, which deals with the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, is that it had be reflecting on the high and low points in my life. It was really nice because most of the high points I could see how God's hand was guiding me, but even in the bad moments, they were learning experiences, experiences I needed to learn to do what I am doing today. Isn't God grand! It was just really nice to think of all the good moments. I couldn't have asked for a better way of growing up. I also sang at Mass at St. Daniel's with the choir. They are such a great group of people. They are all really supportive and all enjoy laughing. The choir director is super sweet, even when I do mess up and I know when I mess up, she always lifts my spirits up.

Today turned out to be an incredible day. I first got up and cut the grass, which I enjoy doing. My goal was to go to the lake to spend my time in prayer because today's reflection dealt with creation and what a great way to be in creation then somewhere very beautiful. However, the plans changed and Br. Dan, Brian, and I went to Chittenango Falls about 20 miles from us. Gosh was it beautiful. Although I wasn't able to meditate silently or to myself, but just seeing the natural beauty of the world was really nice. New York should be opening up more state parks then closing them because they are nice and right now free to get into. What made the trip beautiful also was driving to get there and seeing all the beautiful leaves change. I am really going to miss this of the year once I move back down in the south. Fall is always incredible here. Pretty soon though we are going to have snow.

Moody

There must of been something in the air today because I was straight up in a bad mood. I am usually a happy go lucky kind of person, but not today. It just seems like all my frustrations just came at me all at once. It doesn't help that it was over cast all day today because the weather does effect my mood. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I feel tomorrow will be a better day for many reasons. One being is that we have two visitors with us till Saturday, the provincial of New England and a Brother from the Province of Oceania. He is in New England for two months trying to strengthen his english. Hopefully I will be able to take him around Syracuse tomorrow. The other good reason why tomorrow is going to be different is because we have a new candidate moving in tomorrow. His name is Brian Fisher and he is from Philadelphia. I have been around Brian a couple of times and he is a really great guy. He came into contact with the Brothers of the Sacred Heart through our Brothers in Haiti. Even before the earthquake he would go down to Haiti and do work with them. I know he is nervous about the move, but I have reassured him that he will be supported.

It just makes me happy to have someone else in formation with me, even though I am ahead of him.

Canadian aye...

I am still thinking about how awesome the jubilarian celebrations were in New England. I got to meet two Canadian Brothers, one who speaks english fairly well and the other one not so much. However, what is cool is that we are connecte through the Brotherhood, so it feels like we have known each other for so long. Plus they are keeping me in there prayers, which is nice. I also met a brother from our province in Oceania, which is in the South Pacific. He is here learning to speak english better, he is not in any formal classes, but just going to be talking with people.

Today was a holiday in the north since it was Columbus Day, so I did the usual. Got up and spent my time in prayer, went and helped Br. Dan out with some things, went to the gym, but grass, sat outside on this beautiful day, read a book, and then went to my spiritual direction meeting at Le Moyne. It was a great day, ending with our community going out to eat, which is always nice. It also didn't help that I scared the crap out of the brothers pulling out of the driveway to the point that some of there let out a few choice words that are not really holy. They just over reacted I saw the car. For future reference, if you ride with me and something like that happens, the more you freak out the worse it is going to be for you. Usually when people do that it freaks me out and might cause me to screw up while driving. However, I was laughing after it happened, it was just funny how they reacted.

New England

Well it seems like I am only blogging once a week. It is either because I am being lazy with it or because I just don't have anything to write about or no time to do it. It doesn't help that I was in Rhode Island this weekend.

I left for the great small state of Rhode Island on Thursday morning. I was staying at Mount St. Charles, the school the Brothers run in Woonsocket, RI and I wanted to get there earlier enough to unpack and settle in before the social Br. Roland had planned. It was just great seeing the Brothers there. It has been almost a year since I have been to Woonsocket, so it was nice just being back. As I walked through the school some of the students recognized me from last year. To be honest my look hasn't changed. I had a shaved head when I was there last year. Thursday evening after dinner I headed to the Provincial House to visit with my Provincial, one of the Brothers from my province who serves in Rome, and another Brother from my province that lives there. It was great catching up with them all. When we were all together we were joking with each other, which is usually fun.

Friday I really just hung out at the school, I spoke to just a couple of the classes and that was only in the morning time, and it was a great time. I had the kids laughing, but making points out to them. One of the Brothers wanted me to speak with one of the students that I met last year. We kept on making times to meet, but never actually able to meet. I felt bad. It was also a Pep Rally day for the school so students were able to dress down. However, no offense to the school, but the pep rally lacked pep. Probably the worst pep rally I have been too. However, the guy kind of running it was full of pep and showed a lot of charism. So the afternoon was free so I would walk around and came across the cheerleading squad practicing. There squad is co-ed. It turned into a really fun time joking around with the coaches and the students. After that though, I ended up going to have dinner with another Brother from the south who was up in Rhode Island, which was great. We were able to catch up. I wanted to get back to Mount St. Charles to catch the soccer game going on. I was able to make it and I went and stood by the cheerleaders where we were still cracking jokes, they wanted me to cheer with them, but I declined. I was really exhausted and ended up going back to the residence and went to bed.

Saturday I was suppose to meet up with my cousin from Louisiana in New Hampshire who was coming up to see the leaves changing colors. Unfortunately those plans fell through since she couldn't open her eye due to a burned cornea. I wanted her to get better. So I took the time and headed back to the Provincial House where I could let Br. Dan know of the change of plans. So I spent a good part of the day at the Provincial House walking along the property and meditating, they have such beautiful grounds there. It's nice and quiet and it is in the woods. Couldn't have asked for a better place. Soon new plans were made and I was heading to Cape Cod, Massachusetts to see what it looks like. I had never been there before. We were there for just a short while, but it was nice to see the Atlantic Ocean, but it was cold. It was just nice to be in the company with Brothers. We had a blast and we enjoyed making jokes and laughing. I didn't get back to the Mount till midnight and went straight to bed.

Today was the actual Jubilarian celebrations. It was super nice and was a great testimony of the Jubilarians life for me to see. They have set a great example on religious life. I got to sing with the choir, which I was thankful for. I also got to see some awesome people from Bishop Guertin High School. I always have the best time with them. I just wish I could see them more often and there positive spirits. After that was over made the trip back to Syracuse.

It was a great weekend, but I am glad to be back. I hate having my regular schedule messed up, now I get back to praying at my usual time.

This weekend...

So today was what I would call a very productive day. Got a lot of stuff done ahead of time, like my lesson plan for my next religious education class next week. It is not a hard topic next week, I feel more confident with this one because it is the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It's all in preparation for the next class after that one when they really go to confession.

This weekend is going to be a crazy weekend. I take off tomorrow morning for New England to be with the Brothers over there. It's about a five hour drive and it will be the first time I am making this drive by myself. Br. Dan is already over there. I will be talking to a few classes on Friday at Mount St. Charles Academy in Woonsocket, Rhode Island, the school our Brothers run over there. Saturday I will be meeting up with some of my cousins in New Hampshire to go hiking and to visit. I am really thankful that Br. Dan is letting me go visit with them. Then to top the weekend off on Sunday is the Jubilarian celebrations of our Brothers in the New England Province. I will be singing with the choir, which I am looking forward to doing.

Should be a great weekend otherwise!

Peace

It's been way too long...

I didn't realize it had been five days since I last blogged. I guess I was just busy with things around here in Syracuse that I didn't have much time to get on and blog.

Well September 30th was our Foundation Day, it has been 189 years since Fr. Andre Coindre, our founder, brought the first ten brothers up to La Fourviere in Lyon, France where the professed private vows. Last summer I was able to stand in the chapel where this was done. Since I do not live close enough to another Brother residence, we went out to eat for ourselves. Due to the fact that I had choir practice, we had to go eat early. My provincial, Br. Ronnie, was here to join in on the celebration. Gosh it was great seeing him. He was my formation director when I first moved to Syracuse and was my formation director for a year, then he became provincial and as he quotes "I will be putting you in your first assignment." With Br. Ronnie here it is starting to seem like the novitiate is going to go by fast. I know there are tons of things I really need to work on. While he was here, we went downtown for a beer and some chicken wings, which was pretty nice, and he got to hear me sing with the choir at St. Daniel's. When he was here him and Br. Dan sat down and mapped out the rest of the novitiate and picked dates. My actual novitiate will end with a retreat at the very end of July and the date we have chosen for vows is August 20, 2011. It makes me very excited, but I know that I must keep focus during my novitiate. It is just nice to know that the novitiate comes to an end at some point.

Also while he was here, we were able to talk with Br. Chris down in Brazil who is learning Portuguese for the new mission in Mozambique. While chatting with him I had the opportunity to meet some of the Brothers from there, even though they can't speak English, but it is just great to know that we are connected by the same common bond. So when I send messages to them or they send message to me, I usually have to translate the messages first to understand and then when I respond back to them I translate my message to there language. It seems to be working.

Today I began the 19th Annotated, which is the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius spread out over a 30 week period. It is going to have its challenges, but I think it will be very good for me. Keep me in your prayers!

I won...

So I got one of the biggest surprises of my life today. Never in a million years did I actually think this would happen. So you know how you go to some places and people want you to fill out these cards to possibly win a trip to some place nice. Well I am one of those people and I actually won! When I got back from the Philippines at the beginning of the month, the New York State Fair was going on. This is the third year the fair has gone on while I have been in Syracuse, so I finally went. I got stopped by someone to fill out this card, and what is weird we were all joking around about what would happen if we win. Well I got a phone call today with someone saying that I filled out a card at the State Fair and that my card was pulled. I was like "Holy Crap." I was caught up in the moment, all humbleness was thrown out of the window. I am floating because I just won this 2 week vacation. The guy starts telling me all the places I would go to Orlando, Daytona, Fort Lauderdale, and the Bahamas all in 2 weeks. It seems like a dream come true right...wrong! Now they needed a processing fee for each person on the trip, which would be two people at a total of $249 a person for a grand total of $498. This is where I start to look at the situation. It is a nice deal, but should I accept this. Given the fact that I am with the Brothers, major permission would have to be granted. They couldn't take the money later, it had to be at that moment with me on the phone no call backs. I went to Br. Dan and told him the situation and he told me to decline because it was probably a scam. How I wish it wasn't though. How I wish it was legit and that could of been my vacation after novitiate. Br. Dan humbled me back down, but I am just excited that I did win, even though I didn't accept the prize.

In other news our basement is done and it looks really nice. My provincial is coming tomorrow for his visitation. Tomorrow is our Foundation Day and we are going out to eat tomorrow night, should be fun!

5th Grade

This year is going to be a challenging year in many ways. One it is starting the phase of my novitiate that I really have to sit down and pray about because during this time I am going to have to write a letter to request vows. Now I am not going to go into this trying to make vows just because I can, but I really want to consider this next stage of formation and what I am getting myself into. This is going to be my commitment and let's be honest people in this generation have a problem with commitment, I just hope I am not one of those. However, what is great is that I am enjoying the time that I have by myself and reflecting. Second, my apostolic assignment might drive me up a wall. I am super excited to be teaching Religious Education to get a jump start for my future, but I am really nervous after my first class. So I only have 5 students, just 5 and I am really grateful for that. Now I think some of them have a hard time paying attention, but maybe all 5th graders have a low attention span. So my goal is to teach them there lessons as well as put the lessons into there hands, make them read the material and present it to the class. Then hopefully we can have a class discussion on it all. That is my goal. They are all really nice kids, so this should be a fun learning experience for me as well as for them.

In other news, one of my closest friends has moved back to Syracuse. This makes me super excited, unfortunately I am not sure how many times I could actually see her.

Other things I am looking forward to is the end of the week when my provincial comes by as well as for next week when I will be able to speak to students at Mount St. Charles Academy, our school in Rhode Island. I also get to see some Brothers from the south as well as some of my cousins from the south. The next two weeks should be a good.

Evaluations...

Gosh I really hate doing evaluations. It just adds on to the pressure that one is already feeling going through this process. Now I know I haven't updated in a while, so forgive me. I did receive the evaluation from the Philippines and to be honest I got really upset with it. I didn't feel that some of the information provided was correct based on situations. I am not going to dwell on that though. I am still going to be the happy me. I also have been spending time on a daily basis doing my own evaluation that I will be discussing with my provincial later on this week. We will also be discussing other things as well.

Nothing to exciting has been going on in my life. This Tuesday I start teaching my religious education class down at St. Daniel's. Last night I did go to a Young Alumni event at Le Moyne College. It was just really great seeing some of my friends. I had a blast with them and it was really nice for me to get out. I don't get out very often.

This is going to be a short blog. In other news my great aunt passed away this morning at the age of 92. It was my grandfather's oldest sister and the last sister he has. Please keep my aunt and my family in all of your prayers!

Dead Man Walking

So I received my evaluation yesterday from one of the Brothers over in the Philippines. There are good parts, then there are the not so good parts. However, it seems that the negative parts always bring me down, make me feel like a failure. I don't think anybody really enjoys receiving negative feedback especially young people in this generation. It bothers me at first, then I get over it. No matter what negative comments or concerns are brought up to me, it is a way for me to grow. Thus far in my novitiate I have felt that I have grown and the Philippines helped me see the world differently. I am also working on my own evaluation at this time, which I am mentioning different aspects of the Philippines. I am taking my evaluation day by day, not trying to rush to get through it, just simply going at my own pace.

Other than that I stated reading "Dead Man Walking" by Sr. Helen Prejean. Now I had the opportunity to meet Sr. Helen a few years ago when one of her sisters in her community, Sisters of St. Joseph, was making her final profession. I really didn't know who she was, but most recently she was up in the upstate New York area to talk at one of the colleges. I didn't attend, but it made me interested in reading her book. Now I only started the book yesterday and have already read about 100 pages. I actually teared up in reading it. I just felt the emotion that she was experiencing when faced with this guy who was not responsible for there deaths and trying to save his life, but was not successful. It really made me think about the death penalty and how as a pro-life person, I should be against such acts like that. I wonder how many pro-lifers just focus on abortion and forget about the death penalty all together. As Catholics we are to respect all life, even those lives of people who have taken a life away. I feel as if the death penalty is a way to seek revenge for some people who have had to face losing a loved one. I would rather them face the hardships of prison life, in some sense realize what they did, then have them killed. It seems to simple. These are just the thoughts running through my mind.

Great Weekend...

So this weekend was my birthday weekend. Now originally I thought I wasn't going to be able to do anything this weekend because I had my formation program this weekend in New Jersey. It was the first one for the new school year. It is not hard for me to come out of my comfort zone, so it didn't take long for me to befriend everyone. I had a total blast with everyone. Even though we are at presentations, which were on the history of religious life, we are all connected by a common bond that is our calling to live out a religious vocation. Now each of us has a different background, yet we can relate to each other regardless of ages. There are some people in there 50's in the program and they are really great people and fun to be around. So with that being said, I didn't know if I was going to be able to do anything for my birthday. After the evening session was done a group of them decided to take me out. In the town next to where we were we found a nice place to sit down and have a drink. It was really great, probably the best birthday I have had in a long time. I really am grateful to my new friends for there generosity and gracious welcoming. I was also volun-told pretty much by the group to be on the social committee, I think it has something to do with my personality, plus I was willing to accept. The job of the committee is to help organize events for the Saturday evening time once we are free. This should be fun!

One lesson that I learned this weekend is how grateful I am to all those out there who are praying for me. The biggest gift I could ask somebody to do for me is to pray for me because that means the world to me. For some reason I am really happy right now with the way things are. I know it isn't going to be like this forever because I do have my good days and my bad days, but knowing that others are praying for and supporting me through there prayers is what gives me strength. Knowing that I am surrounded by great people let's me really know that God is with me and guiding me.

Okay...

So I don't have a witty title for this blog. I was going to blog last night, but got distracted helping a friend out. I have learned through my interactions with some of my friends that I am a great listener and that I also give really helpful advice. One friend I talked to a few days ago was in a situation she needed help with. I just gave her the advice that she needed to do and when she followed my advice everything seemed to work out well. Maybe I should be a counselor? However, it goes to show that a religious doesn't need to be in a relationship to help others out that are in one. It is something my little sister needs to hear, but she would never turn to me anyway.

The past few days have been really slow paced. Monday started formation classes for me, which are now two hours a day four days a week. It isn't bad, but it is also the first week. I think I am going to enjoy this routine only because then it won't have me trying to find things to do in my spare time. With the way my schedule is now, I can spend some time to myself in the morning and in the afternoon go do some exercising and read. I am still feeling a little lazy and I really need to clean my room.

One thing I was able to do is write a letter for one of my professors to help her in her application for tenure at Le Moyne College. What an honor it was to be asked to write something like this for her. I was very thankful that she had asked me because she was probably one of my favorite teachers while at Le Moyne. In her class she would have the students read the assignment and one student lead the discussion for that class. It wasn't just her lecturing the whole time, it was more of a class dialogue and I got so much more out of the classes I had with her by doing that. She was also very supportive in meeting with me to discuss paper topics and to review my papers. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have entered the philosophy essay contest, the contest that I ended up winning. She was so supportive and encouraging. Not only is she a teacher of mine, but she has also become a friend and I always enjoy seeing her when I go back to the school. I am thankful for a teacher like her.

3 days till my birthday! 3 days till I start the new formation program with other religious.

Much Better...

So I seem to be feeling much better about being back in the states, not as depressed and sad as I was when I first got back. Things are looking up. I begin my formation classes tomorrow or at least I think they begin tomorrow, so kind of looking forward to that. Also next weekend is my first formation weekend with others in formation, hopefully that will be a blast, plus it will be since next Saturday is my birthday.

On Friday, I had a meeting with a choir friend of mine who is in charge of Religious Education down at St. Daniel's, which is the parish down the street from me. They needed volunteers to teach Religious Education, so I thought this would be a great apostolic assignment for me since they want me to teach religion in the future anyway. Found out that I will be teaching 5th graders. That's a fun age and should be interesting. Br. Dan and I were hard at work tearing up the carpet in our basement here in Syracuse because a few weeks ago there was a really back rain that saturated all the carpet in the basement. Insurance has come and looked at it. We did it faster than I thought we would have it done it. So to celebrate it, since it was just Br. Dan and I here, we went and ate at Outback Steakhouse, which was really good. I had myself a really good ribeye. Now we had ordered a blooming onion, but we didn't get it, we still asked for it, and lucky enough we got it for free. Outback makes the best. We bought some throw rugs for the basement since we will be getting tiles instead of new carpet, just to make the basement feel more like a home. I also got myself a new candle, that's right I am really happy about a new candle. I use them when I pray.

Saturday I was able to sleep in, which was quite nice. My sleep cycle is almost back to normal. As soon as I woke up we began to work again. I took out the bed in Br. Mike's old room, which is now going to be Brian's room when he moves here in two weeks. So we were both hard at work cleaning, setting up the bed, moving desks around. It was hard on the back. I am still sore. I decided not to go work out because of all the heavy lifting we were doing. Later that evening we went to the Irish Festival for about an hour. Mostly just listened to the music, but when we first got to the stage, I was able to witness a proposal that was planned, how nice was that. I pray that they have a happy life together. I also got myself a cigar, which the last time I had one was at the Irish Festival last year. I was just happy to have been able to go to the Irish Festival.

Today I went to the gym and then grocery shopping. I felt like I was going back and forth all over the store today forgetting certain items and such, but it all got done. I went to Lake Onondaga for a little while and I say a little while because it began to rain. It was very windy out there, which wasn't bad, I enjoyed it. I just felt like it was God and me and he was speaking to me through the wind. I really feel like when it is windy that the Holy Spirit is blowing at the same time. Went to Mass at Le Moyne and saw a friend of mine who is about to start on a long road trip. It was great seeing her.

My birthday is on Saturday, yay!

Yes, sleep...

So again I do apologize for not posting sooner, but since I am not longer in the Philippines, my life has not been that interesting, if staying at the house all day and working on a synthesis paper of my experience is of anyone's fancy. I have had the hardest time going to sleep since I have been back. However, that all changed two nights ago because I took a sleeping aid that is suppose to help reduce difficulty falling asleep. Well it seems to work because I have been able to sleep a lot better and not wake up in the middle of the night and stay up. This weekend I am going to try to sleep without the pill. At least my head is no longer hurting.

Things are slowly starting to pick up for me though. Tomorrow I have a meeting with my friend Paul down at St. Daniel's, the parish down the street from my house. It is the parish I enjoy going to and I am part of the choir. I will be teaching one of the PSR classes as part of my apostolic work. I know it will be a challenge because I will probably be working with elementary kids, so this should be interesting. I want to have some kind of experience before I actually have to get in front a classroom in the future to teach high school students.

I have been able to get myself back into the gym, but realized still how much I hate working out. I wish it was as easy as playing basketball. I wanted to try zumba, but the place that had it right next to the gym I am closed, what a bummer. I learned how much I could sweat when I learned some choreography in the Philippines.

"How have I encountered God in my apostolic experience?" has been the question I have been reflecting on in regards to my synthesis paper. I spent most of the day thinking about this and wrote a rough draft of the paper. Where I saw God most in my experience was in the different people that I was able to meet and the lessons they taught me. Not knowing that I too was teaching them lessons and changing their minds and hearts at the same time. I actually was getting kind of emotional writing the paper because it really had me wishing that I was back over there to repeat these experiences. They are just really powerful and some of them include emotion. I know once I present it I might break down, but in the end that is good because it means that they left and impression on me.

Can't sleep...

I know it has been another long time since I have blogged. Since Friday night I have not been able to sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night and I am wide awake. Then it gets really hard for me to go back to sleep. This is what I have been dealing with the past few days and my head is starting to hurt from being tired. I am praying that I can get over this and finally readjust my body clock to American time.

Other than that, just been trying to take it kind of slow. I have pretty much unpacked everything, but my room still seems to be a mess. I just need some more storage space, which would be nice. Haven't returned to formation mode yet with Br. Dan. I am doing things on my own. For instance, last night I was not able to go to bed right away so I went into the chapel and prayed a Rosary, grant it I was falling in and out of sleep while praying it. I am not even sure if I made it through the whole thing before waking up and relocating to my bed. Hopefully things will pick up and I can finally catch my rest.

I miss the Philippines!

Miss

Gosh I miss the Philippines. I really miss it a lot especially since I am starting to spend more time by myself. I just hope that I have the strength and the perseverance to get through the next year and survive the rest of the novitiate. This is why I really need to turn to God. I found God there in the Philippines now I just need to find it when I am by myself.

Now I really didn't do much today. I overslept this morning, I didn't even here my alarm go off. I was just really tired last night, but I am glad that I was able to catch up on my rest.

Now this evening I did head to the State Fair here in New York. Everything at the fair is really expensive, but it was also the first time I went to the New York State Fair. My feet are really tired and I am now getting tired again. Should be a slow weekend, trying to finish up cleaning my room and getting use to being back here in Syracuse.

I'm back in Syracuse...

It has been way too long since the last time I blog. This past weekend there were two going away parties, one for me in Digos and the other one was with the Brothers in Matina. At the Digos party I was able to invite some students and some staff members. It was really sad for me because I did get emotional. However, I was blessed to be around such a great group of people while I was in the Philippines and I also really like the souvenirs they got for me. Sunday night was the one for the Brothers and it was emotional as well, but not like Digos and the Brothers got us some souvenirs as well, so let me just say I ended up having to buy another bag for everything. I was able to see some of the Benedictine monks on Sunday night because they came by. When they were leaving I thought it would be fun to play a joke on them like pretending they ran my foot over. However, when I did it Br. Nathaniel did indeed run over my foot. It didn't hurt and he felt really bad, but I told him it was my fault because I was trying to joke around.

My last Monday in the Philippines was spent saying my goodbyes as well as doing some last minute shopping. I was blessed that Janette, Leslie, Rey, and Ruben were there willing to shop with me. I felt like I was boring them to death. I wouldn't have asked for a better last day then this one with them. That evening we (meaning Janette, Leslie, Rey, and Ruben and all the Brothers) went out to eat. I wasn't feeling too well so I didn't eat much. When it was time to say goodbye to Janette and company I held it together. I didn't want to cry because I know that someday in the future I will see them again, that's a promise. I will return!

Tuesday is the day we left for Manila. Now we had about 16 hours in Manila so we were able to see some sights and visit with the Brothers there. Manila is completely different from what the south looks like. Manila is more developed and traffic stinks. I really enjoyed my time with the Brothers there. Then Br. Dan and I went to our hotel to try to catch our sleep.

Then the 24 hour journey began. It was really long and tiring. It is really hard for me to sleep on a plane. After we got back from Japan into Detroit we had to hurry to catch our next flight that was soon to board. As I am walking to our gate, who is sitting down in the terminal, none other than Lady Antebellum. I was star struck and tried to go sit as close to them as I possibly could. I didn't say anything to them or try to get in there way. However, when I was going to my seat on the plane, I did tell the girl singer in the group that I was a fan and she thanked me and I touched her arm. It was pretty amazing.

Now I haven't really finishing unpacking yet, and I am still super tired. Busy weekend ahead will try to blog if I can.

Leaving

Well time has arrived and I can't believe. I leave tomorrow! Once I am back in the states I will update everyone on how my last few days here in the Philippines were spent.

God Bless!

Bring on the tears...

Yesterday was my last day to be with the regular colleges students as well as the Basic Education Department. So I took the time to go and visit each of the Basic Education classes and thank them for making me feel so welcomed here. The first class I went to I was fine, nothing wrong. It wasn't until I went and visited one of the freshman classes that I began to cry. Madame Rose in the student development center has a niece that is a freshman. She is probably the only student that I have any kind of interaction with in the SDC. She came up to me and just began to cry and that made me start crying. The rest of the classroom visits were really hard. The students were all very supportive, telling me that they love me and that they will miss you. I will definitely miss them all as well.

Part of the intramural's was an acrobatic show. The more I think about it, the more I realize I don't think I have ever been to an acrobatic show. Most of the guys that were in the show probably had some kind of gymnastics training. The strength they had was incredible. I had to hold my breath in certain situations because I was afraid that they could possibly fall, but come on they are experts. At times they were accidentally screwed up on purpose to make the crowd laugh. It was a very fun show, I also got to see tight rope walking, never have seen that before. After the show I did go backstage and thanked them all for the show. Kind of glad I was able to experience this before I left.

Last night was the night that I said goodbye to the college community. I thought I was going to be emotional, but I wasn't. I was actually stronger talking to them then I thought. I got from a group of students "We love you Brother Kevin", which I greatly appreciated. Other than that it was a great night with some great entertainment by the students. I am really going to miss this place.

5 days...

So I only have 5 more days here in the Philippines and I am getting sad about having to leave these people and head back to the states, however, I am ready to be back.

The intramurals go on all day. No lie, I didn't get to bed till after midnight last night because we had the singing competition, which I was one of the judges as well as the search for mr. and mrs. intramural. It was just so long and tiring. One of the other judges said he was bored. However, before the events even started the judges and I all had fun in the conference room just talking about random things. One of the judges was my age, so we hit it off making jokes.

Even today all I went to was different intramural events. However, I also got to watch the boys and girls varsity volleyball actually compete. Cor Jesu won of course. It is always fun with students. I put one of the badminton players on my shoulders and ran around the gym. Tonight was the dance night, which had a lot of really impressive dance styles. I really enjoyed them all especially the Filipino cultural dances. Then they had ballroom dancing, only two pairs participated, but it was really obvious who the better pair was.

Tomorrow is my last day of being at the school with all the students that come during the week. So a lot of my goodbyes will come tomorrow, I just hope I don't get really emotional with all of it.

Intramurals

Well today began the annual intramural competition here at Cor Jesu College which will take place the rest of the week. I am really happy that I am here to experience this event that has been apart of the tradition here at the school. Like all big events, the day started off with a Mass with the College. Br. Roger's brother who is a Missionary of the Sacred Heart was the celebrant of the Mass. My hopes was that the music was going to be the same as it has been at all the past Masses because I was going to record the music, but unfortunately it wasn't. So the music they usually sing will just have to be a memory in my head.

After Mass there was a ceremonial torch lightning as well as a race of the different divisions to hang there flags by the torch. Br. Roger, myself, and the president of the student government raced ourselves. I was really trying to race and I was running really fast too and holding on to Br. Roger, by the way we were both in our cassocks racing. At the very end I trip and tumble and slide on the grass and when I got up my first reaction was, oh no my cassock. Let's just say there was a pretty grass and mud stain on it. Lucky enough the lady that washes clothes here was around and took care of it for me.

My next project was to get pictures developed as a remembrance for some people. I have been getting asked to leave something for people or they ask me for a remembrance, so I decided to give them pictures that we are in together. I went and had them developed and have already begun passing them out.

There was also a parade through Digos that was put on by the college. I got to sit on the back of the truck that last years king and queen of the intramurals rode on. It was cool. Really cool street performances by the students of the college and the different divisions and unfortunately my camera batteries died so everything else that went on I missed it.

Also had my last meeting with the Campus Ministry Office staff and it was very positive. I am truly thankful for the opportunity I have had with them and the lessons that they taught me, which I am truly thankful. I am going to miss them, but they have really helped me grow.

Tonight was the cheer-dance competition and was it amazing. I really got to see the creativity of the students hard work put into action. I wish I was able to take pictures of it, but there were some incredible performances.

As you can see a lot went on today!

One week...

I hate to say this, but I only have one week left here in the Philippines. I don't want to think about it because when I do it makes me really sad. I just hope one day I can come back here. As I type this I am actually in tears because of my adopted sister here and the powerful words she is telling me. She says, "3 months seemed too short for the joy you've bring." In those words I feel like God is speaking to me and that this is what I need to do with my life. I need to be strong.

I had a great experience staying with the Benedictine monks at St. Benedict Monastery. I really enjoyed visiting with some of them and establishing friendships that will last a long time. Awesome group of guys! Even though my time with them was so great, after I left them, things sort of went down hill. Let's just say somebody here at the school butted there nose into the Brothers business regarding me and really made me frustrated. She was crossing boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. However, the day got better when I was in Davao, went to the Mall, went to Holy Cross of Davao College to support some of our students in competitions they were in, and finally back to the mall to visit with Janette and Leslie. We went to a pier and saw a giant golden statue of David and ate some really good food. I really have enjoyed their generosity and hospitality to me since I have been here. The quote up above is from her. Gosh I am going to miss them very much.

Well today was another trip to Davao to do some souvenir shopping. I got some great stuff for some of my family members. I hope they like it. I also had a frappuccino today from this coffee shop, it was really good. I made it back to Digos just in time to catch the blessing and Mass in the new Basic Education Department building where all the offices are and the faculty room. It is a really nice building.

Well tomorrow starts the intramurals, should be fun!

Eden Park and the Philippine Eagle

I was finally able to attend Eden Park and to visit the Philippine Eagle. Eden Park is a nature park that is on top of one of the mountains here in Davao. The views from Eden Park were incredible. Really saw the beauty of God's creation there. The first thing we did at Eden Park is we received a 45 minute tour of the entire park. We had a really nice tour guide named Emilee and I think she really enjoyed being our tour guide. At different locations we were able to get out to take pictures. We got to visit an amphitheater covered in grass with beautiful trees and flowers, then another with the city in the distance where we got to visit a wishing well and a statue of a caribou, then we finally to see some Filipino music being played for us and I got to participate in it. It was really nice. After the tour we went and had a buffet lunch, but before that I took a ride on a little land zipline, which was fun. After lunch Br. Dan and I got to fish in a tilapia farm. I have discovered that I really suck at fishing and have always sucked at fishing. I think I have caught less than 5 fish in my entire life. However, that kind of increased yesterday. I caught either 4 or 5 to Br. Dan's 9 fishes. So I am not patient when it comes to fishing. Then after we fished I finally got to do what they said that I could do. I got to zipline! At first I was not nervous, but as I was climbing the stairs to the top of the platform my nerves starting to kick in. Once the guy had me sit in the position, my nerves were gone and off I went. It was so much fun. when I was getting close to the bottom I started to freak out about how I was going to stop. Their is a break already on the line and it kind of throws you, but it was fun. Even though it was short, I want to do it again.

After Eden Park we went to see the Philippine Eagle, which is endangered. Where the Philippine Eagle is located is a nature reserve, so they have more than just the eagle at the place. When you first walk into the location, there are numerous booths selling souvenirs and they are trying to sell them like crazy. What attracted me when I first got into the park were the python snakes that I saw. First I saw, two smaller pythons and I got to hold them both at the same time. Now I wasn't nervous holding them, what made me nervous was when the snakes face kind of got close to mine. After the first visit with those two snakes, we see two more pythons that were a lot larger and sure enough I was able to hold both of them as well. Gosh were they heavy. Other than that I was able to see other types of eagles, but really enjoyed seeing the Philippine Eagle. I also got to see a crocodile and a bunch of monkeys. I also got to pet a baby deer.

It was really my last big adventure here in the Philippines and it was a great last trip.

Tonight I will be going to stay at the Benedictine Monastery here in Digos and I am really excited about it. I need some time for myself. I am kind of hoping to get some kind of break when I get back to the states.

I tried uploading pictures, but for some reason they aren't showing any photos.

Late Night

So I was out way too late last night to put a blog together, so this one is for the past two days.

Yesterday I continued on with the Br. Polycarp Foundation to another school in the feeding program. This school seemed to be bigger than the other two schools that I had previously been too. First location that Ninoy took me to was where the ladies were going to be cooking. It was outdoors, but connected to the schools canteen. As the ladies were starting to cook, I helped the canteen ladies out by assisting them. The bananas that were in front me sold out because I secretly think all the students wanted to buy them because I was right there. After the lunch was ready we headed to where the students would be eating there lunch. Since we had some time before that I walked around the school and visited with some of the children, which is always fun. As part of the process with Ninoy we are taking pictures of the students that are being fed through the program. However, I was taken back when I saw that one of the students in the first grade was the same age as me. I was not sure if this was an error, but it was the truth. I don't know why, but I felt really bad about him being in a class with 7 and 8 year olds. Come to find out he was in the hospital a lot when he was younger and he is a very slow learner. The students enjoyed there lunches and I was glad I was able to witness the process. I am also amazed at the dedication of the parents to the program. It really goes to show there love for there children in participating in the program.

Last night I went to the funeral home for the girl that died here. We had a Mass there and it was really nice. One of the Hummingbirds and I sang the responsorial psalm, which was "shepherd me O God". I love that psalm. Afterwards I almost drove my first motorcycle, but decided not to do it because I would want to practice in a field first.

With intramurals coming up next week here, groups are slowly perfecting there cheer dances. However, one of the rules that they are given is not to hire a trainer. So Br. Roger goes out periodically to check on different practices to make sure that the rules are being followed. Well I went with him last night and the first group we went to was busted. I actually felt really bad for the students because they had broken a confidentiality agreement that said they wouldn't hire a trainer and they did, plus we have pictures as a proof. Interesting to see what Br. Roger might do to the group, will he let them perform or ban them from performing. After we did some more stake outs we went and had some drinks with Jo Jo. We ended up staying out till almost 2 a.m. I was pretty exhausted this morning and didn't wake up. Let's just say I am going to sleep good tonight.

Today was my last day to travel with the Br. Polycarp Foundation. The school we went to today was down the road from the Power campus. What was different about today was that there were no parents there yet when Ninoy and I had arrived. I don't want to say that I was worried, but I wasn't sure what time they were going to come or if they were coming at all. The principal told us that the day before, none of the parents had shown up. However, before Ninoy and I started to help with what we could, the principal showed us around the school and I got to visit some of the classes, which was a lot of fun. I really liked the energy of some of the students there. After the tour, Ninoy and I began to help taking the leaves off of a vegetable for the meal. Slowly, but surely the parents started to show up and the feast was now in the process of being made. I was happy that I was able to contribute with what I could. One of the parents did say that in the three weeks that they have been doing this, her daughter has gained some weight exactly what the program is setting out to do to increase the weight of the children. So I was really happy to hear that it was working. I felt that this experience with the Br. Polycarp Foundation has opened up my eyes to some of the needs of the children here especially in regards to nutrition. If I ever come back to the Philippines, I want to work with the Br. Polycarp Foundation.

Children, Caribou, and a Komodo

I was so excited this morning to take off again with the Br. Polycarp Foundation to another school that is part of the BLT program. It wasn't the first time I was in the area where the school was located. I had gone there before when the other group of Americans were here. What was different about yesterday's experience from today's is that the school was bigger, had more students, and a better place to actually cook. I found it very interesting that where they were cooking was right behind the principal's office. I really enjoyed visiting with the parents that were there to cook. To me is shows how much concern they have for their children's health by taking time to share in the cooking. One thing that came up today was that some students had dropped out of the program due to the fact that the parents either didn't want to cook or didn't want to take time out in helping. So I applaude the parents who do the work to help improve the lives of their children. I also got to help out today. I got to squeeze coconut milk out of the chopped up coconut pieces. Talk about a hand work out. It was fun, and it was the first time that I had ever done that. After that I just passed different ingredients to the main cook. Ninoy and I soon set out in getting the mugshots taken care of. As the students took there photos they were then asked to sit down to receive the food. My first thought when I saw the amount of food they received was if it was enough to feed them, but come to find out it was. Some of the children didn't really eat all of there food. Hopefully as they start to eat more of these meals, the will start eating more. After lunch when I was outside with the children entertaining them, I did notice that some of the kids were extremely skinny and they happen to be the ones in the program. Some of the children actually recognized me from Mass at the Benedictine Monastery, which I thought was cool. They were happy to tell me that they were altar servers. I'm glad that I was able to do a lot more today and bring some smiles to the children's faces.

This afternoon I came back to Cor Jesu just for a little while, but then I was out again with some of the team from the Br. Polycarp Foundation. They took me to a river. You might say, oh a river, but this river was really cool. It makes me wish that I could find something like that in Syracuse for meditation time. There is a bridge crossing the river that no four wheel vehicles can cross and it isn't a rope bridge, more of a rope metal bridge instead. Some of the highlights from being at the river was my failed attempt to wade across the water with the strong current which almost ended in an epic fail. Being able to go splash a caribou in the water that was cooling off. I tried to go towards its head, but they warned me against that. It was still cool though, but the icing on the cake of the river trip was right before we left, a few men were walking across on the other side and in the hands of one of the men was a Komodo dragon. At first I thought it was an alligator, but the team said it was a Komodo dragon. I have never seen one out in the wilderness before, maybe the zoo, but this was the real deal. I wish they were closer because I would have loved to have seen it up close.

Looking forward to going back out again tomorrow. I also only have two weeks left.

Br. Polycarp

So yesterday I did absolutely nothing. I was at the house the entire day, the only thing I had done that day was go to Mass, but that was about it. The night got even better, I was able to go hang out with my Filipino family, Janette, her husband Leslie, her brother Rey, and his friend Ruben. We went to the Bay Walk here in Digos, which is a place I had not been to and like usual did some videoke. After we did that we went and got some chicken, I love friend chicken. Went back to Janette and Leslie's house for some drinks, eat the chicken, and more videoke. It was fun and I was glad that my day which was boring turned into something really positive. I really appreciate the hospitality they show me.

Today was the first day I went with the Br. Polycarp Foundation to one of the schools to start the new BLT program. What this program does is it takes students who are under weight and provides them with a healthy lunch in the hopes that they will reach normal weight as well as an improved nutrition. What a great morning it was to spend it with the children. I was fascinated by the school that I was at. It only goes from kindegarden to 4th grade. Some of the class rooms have more than one grade in it. The classroom or the building more like it housed the 1st and 2nd graders who are being fed through the BLT program. I was glad that I was able to see the parents working together to improve there children's health. I loved how they were cooking everything with the open fire with the pots. In the states we have gas ranges and ovens to cook are food, but I really felt like the way they were cooking the food makes it taste a whole lot better. Being able to play with the children and seeing a smile on there little faces brought so much joy to my heart. I was telling myself "that God is here and is present." The kids enjoyed seeing me, they would follow everything that I was doing, so they walked like me, acted like me, and did the same gestures like me. Even though they don't have much, they seem to have an appreciation for what they do have. The ladies that cooked the food also let Ninoy and I have some, and it was really good. I feel that Br. Polycarp would be really proud of what the foundation is doing and it makes me really proud that the foundation is living out our charism.


This afternoon I was able to rest and recollect. I feel like once I get back in the states, I need a nice retreat. I feel like I am taking in so much that I am starting to not process it all and it is make me feel kind of lonely. The song that comes into my mind is "Too Much Love Can Kill You" by Queen. This evening we had a house meeting and I feel like I got to play devil's advocate. I was challenging something dealing with the schedule. On Saturday's we have it down as attending the Benedictine Monastery for Mass, which requires us to take a car because it is too far to walk. The two Brothers that drive lately have seem to sleep in, which leads us to finding other forms of transportation. I like the Benedictine Monastery and prefer to go there. I was told that it is from the work load that they have and they are tired from it. My question then is "Why have us down to go to the Monastery on Saturday's if you know you are not going to be up to take us?" That's a question I am now thinking and something I should of been raised. Then again our life as a religious should not be consumed in work. Are life isn't all about work, it's part of it, but it is not the only part. That's one thing I am learning about some of the Brothers here is they are workaholics, they might not mean to be, but that's how it is in the position they are in. They just need to find the balance.

This evening was quite an emotional roller coaster ride. I attended the wake of the student who committed suicide. The Hummingbirds Liturgical Club was there as well to provide a prayer service and lend their voices in song. It is sad because the girl was an only child to a broken family and felt like a failure. Some of her friends got up and gave some very emotional speeches. Filipinos express emotion best when it is in their native tongue, although I didn't understand what was being said, but when it got to the point where the room was crying, I was starting to tear up. I too question why a girl as young as 19 years old would take her life. I wonder what goes on in the mind of somebody who commits suicide. We were there probably an hour and a half. I think the mother appreciated it, she got emotional at times herself, but she stood strong. My prayers go out with her. I might be going back on Wednesday night for one last time. Wakes here are often referred to as vigils and they can last form a week to nine days.

Any way back to the Br. Polycarp Foundation tomorrow! Looking forward to it!

Shock!

It has been days since I have blogged. First of all I was on retreat with the Brothers at Catalunan Grande. It was a nice retreat, gave me some time to reflect, however, it was cut really short. If I am going to be on a retreat where I have to be silent, it takes me a couple of days to really get into reflecting mode. Even though I wasn't able to become a contemplative in that time, I did enjoy the time away and it was quite relaxing. Secondly, the night I finally got home from the retreat, it was like 10 p.m. and I was really tired. Yesterday was Br. Romel's birthday, so I didn't get home till almost 11 p.m. and then was up super early for Mass and prayer. I am just getting really exhausted.

I didn't really got out and do anything today. I was able to go talk to one of the Freshman Formation Program classes on goals and responsibilities students should take when it comes to school work based off of my college experience. I think they enjoyed it, but I just hated talking about myself, but it was what was asked of me. I then went and played some basketball and volleyball, but it was after playing that I got some shocking news. A girl set to graduate this year took her own life today by hanging herself with a wire. It was quite shocking for me to hear. Unfortunately I don't know her name, I think she was president of one of the clubs, so my prayer goes out to the repose of her soul and for her family.

As I currently type this I am running a fever, not a bad one, but one we must monitor in case it gets worse. Usually they tell people to go to the hospital when they have a fever just to check and make sure it isn't dengue.

One thing I have to tell everyone about is something called a quantum pendent. Br. Noelvic wears one and he had some with him on the retreat. Four of the Brothers had me sit in a chair, with only two fingers, they were positioned under my knee caps and under my elbows and they tried to pick me up, but no luck. Then they put on the quantum and did it again and to my amazement and disbelief had me in the air with just two fingers. It was crazy, and I want one real bad.