Balance

So I have been trying to find this balance between trying to be serious and yet still joke with people, but trying to find this balance is probably one of the hardest things I am struggling with today. Today we had another recollection at the Benedictine sisters. This group was a lot different from yesterday's group, this group would talk more in the times they should be silent, they wouldn't really listen when others had to share. So it was quite frustrating and it didn't help that I was really tired. I wore my glasses today because my contacts were hurting my eyes really bad this morning. It seems like what I am doing right now is complaining, but this is the outlet that I can let out my frustration. In the morning, one of the students that was on the recollection is a student I joke with, well he came up to me this morning and asked me why I was being so serious. I know there is a time to be serious and a time to joke, but when are those times. I am really trying with all my heart to find this balance, but it seems like I can't win. To make matters worse candle wax got all over one of my Filippino shirts, ahhhh, so frustrated. To think things could worse, well they sort of did.

I seem to have a lot of jokes played on me and to be honest a lot of times I am not sure if they are jokes and have to ask if they are. So I make it part of my day to go visit different offices each day. One for example is to visit the security guards guardhouse. There is security on campus 24 hours a day 7 days a week. They are all really nice and I enjoy going to say hello to them. They are trying to teach me some of there language and I am helping them with english. Since I wasn't able to go by to visit with them during the day, I went tonight after dinner. I am sure they appreciate it as well since they probably don't have that many people come by to just visit with them. One of the people that works here at Cor Jesu saw me and said she hopes they are not paying me more to sit here as a guard. I told her I don't get paid for anything I do here. Now she could be joking around with me, I am not really sure though. She then said that people here are getting tired of me, which really brought me down, with everything that happened last week and how I was feeling today. Like I said she could be joking, but I am not sure. It really brought me down though, almost to the point of just wanting to cry. I don't want to be that person that people get tired of. Now I feel like I should just keep myself in the campus ministry office and never come out unless I am coming back to the house. I could be over analyzing things, but with how I felt earlier in the day, I just didn't need to hear a comment like that.

I just hope tomorrow is a better day!